The World Through New Eyes (literally)

Hullo there, 

This is a personal end-of-year roundup, sort of an “it’s not you, it’s me” for 2023.

I often measure years in terms of pop culture, but it hasn’t been that type of year for me. One of the few times I made it to the cinema, other than for Barbenheimer’s grim delights, I had to watch Napoleon on the most warped screen I’ve ever seen. It was at its worst when the screen was lightest, like the Battle of Austerlitz was projected onto a radiator. Is this a metaphor? Hmm. 

My daughter turned one in January, and I went back to my freelance work part time. I love parenthood, but I will say that the sleep deprivation of both that first year and (less so, but still) the year just gone had an enormous impact on my ability to be creative. 

That’s fine of course, and to be expected – I’ve been busy keeping a new human alive! I still am! But she’s getting better at keeping herself alive too, so that job is evolving in a way that, bit by bit, gives me back a bit of brain space.

If the first year of sleep deprivation was, for my brain, like the weekend tube map, with lots of lines closed and very few connections to be made, then this year the stations have been reopening, maybe even a few new ones added. I'm not rush-hour ready yet, but overall I'm operating a good service. 

What else? 

The Golden Rage vol 1 trade came out in February, and I started writing the next series, which Lauren started drawing in November. Very exciting. 

I’ve got a second comics project on the go too, but more about that another time. Ditto the poetry comic Tom and I have been working on. Lots of fun writing things on the horizon already, and a little space to work on more.  

In March, I took part in the annual Edinburgh International Improv Festival. I performed in one of their ensemble teams (which involved getting coached by the wonderful Graham Dickson), and also gave the monologues for the All Star show that rounded off the festival, which included some of the Raaaatscraps performers – a personal highlight. Streaming their weekly shows helped get me through the first year of parenthood. I was hit by chronic sleep deprivation at the time, which I expect showed, but it was so much fun.  

We went to Italy twice, spent some lovely time with my family there, saw my daughter’s language blossom in both English and Italian, and got a good restorative dose of mountain air and cheese both times. 

And then suddenly in the middle of the year my eyes stopped working, and it turned out I had huge cataracts in the dead centre of both eyes, and needed to have surgery. They must have been increasing in severity for years, with my brain slowly adjusting and filling in the blanks – a horrifying thought – and so I had both eyes operated on. I wasn’t able to pick up my daughter for a month afterwards, and that was awful. I’m still adjusting to the new world of single-focused eyes, and the endless array of close-reading, middle and long-distance glasses I now have scattered around the house. I could give you a rant about the horror of varifocal lenses (tldr: hell no) but it’s not worth it. 

We tried and failed to sell our house. I’m still not totally sure where we would have moved to if it had sold, whether it would have been in or out of London. That’s a question for next year. 

We went to Edinburgh for a friend’s (and Kieron’s) birthday for a few days, and our friends brought their little girl of the same age up too. We had our first proper “multiple families together” holiday and it was so much fun, involving zoos and pizza and a comically bagpipe-infused nap.

I taught a ten-week course on writing poems inspired by Kubrick films at the start of the year too, and it made me kind of hate Stanley Kubrick. The year before my daughter was born I’d taught a similar course on David Lynch which made me fall for Lynch hard – his mystery, his contentment in “not knowing”, his capacity for joy. Not the case with Kubrick. Ask me in the pub some time if you want a rant.

I taught some other pop-culturally infused courses for the Poetry School too. I ran a Masterclass for Arvon on Poetry and Pop Culture. I’ve been able to apply my brain to creating leftfield exercises and discussions. I hope I can keep doing more of that. I think I’m good at it. 

I opened up submissions for Perverse again, the poetry magazine I edit, and put out a new issue of that. I also ran a live event for it in December which went really well. It’s been a while, so I was glad to get back to it. It always feels good to share other people’s weird work.

We made it to Thought Bubble comic con in November, despite being wraithlike people of no sleep, as Iris was spontaneously very unwell the whole time we were there. And even though I only managed a few minutes’ chat with most people across the sparsely social weekend, it was still wonderful.

There have been other disappointments and difficulties and illnesses, but I want to keep this focused on the positive. They are there though, of course, as they are for all of us.

We haven’t seen nearly enough of family this year, and I’m hoping that’s something we can change. I’m looking forward to tonight, when Kieron and I will sit down with a blank 2024 planner and think about what shape next year might have, what trips, what events may punctuate it, even while acknowledging that it will largely be dictated by the unknowable. That’s okay too.  

I’m not really a resolution person, but broadly speaking I’d like to focus more on what’s right in front of me, and rush less, although that’s not easy when you have a daughter who doubles as a greyhound.  

This year, Iris learnt to walk (and run, dear god can she run), learnt to talk, learnt to lean into me and say “cuddle”, learnt to do high fives... I can’t wait to see what comes next year. 

I also hope for a bit more space to think about it all, and do some writing.

Happy New Year’s wishes to you. 

May your mental stocktaking be peppered with joy.